Have you ever caught yourself wondering if your child will truly be ready to face the real world? One moment, you see glimpses of their grit and determination, and the next, they seem to fall apart in unexpected ways. As homeschool moms, we often carry the weight of feeling solely responsible for preparing our kids for the challenges of adulthood. So, how can we nurture their growth, build emotional resilience, and guide them toward becoming thriving, capable adults?
Understanding Emotional Resilience
Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt to adversity, overcome challenges, and bounce back from setbacks. It’s not about avoiding hardships, but learning how to navigate them with grace and strength. In his April, 2010 General Conference talk “Your Happily Ever After,” Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminds us that “It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.” For homeschoolers, building emotional resilience is a critical part of their development, yet it can sometimes feel overwhelming to know where to begin. Let’s explore some practical ways to help our children develop this vital life skill.
1. Encourage Growth Through Challenges
It’s natural to want to shield our children from struggles, but challenges are what help them grow. In one of my favorite talks, “Joy and Spiritual Survival” from General Conference, October 2016, President Russell M. Nelson wisely taught that, “Trials and challenges are the refiner’s fire that allow us to discover the potential we have within.” Research confirms that children who face challenges in a supportive environment develop stronger coping mechanisms, which build emotional resilience over time (Zimmerman & Arunkumar, 1994).
As homeschool moms, we can help by allowing our children to face these challenges while offering guidance and support. Encourage them to persevere, offer strategies to work through the problem, and most importantly, remind them that it’s okay to struggle.
Tip: When your child is faced with something hard, try asking, “What’s one small step you can take to make this easier?” This simple question can help them break down challenges into manageable pieces, fostering a sense of control and building resilience.
2. Model Emotional Resilience
Children learn emotional regulation by observing how the adults in their lives respond to stress. Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology shows that children who observe healthy coping strategies in their parents are more likely to adopt similar strategies themselves (Eisenberg et al., 2001).
When things don’t go according to plan, take a moment to acknowledge your feelings and show your children how to cope. For instance, instead of hiding your frustration, express how you’re feeling and demonstrate how to move forward. This teaches them that it’s normal to have setbacks, but resilience means continuing forward.
Recently, I was struggling with a circumstance in my life. I was emotional and teary. Rather than hiding away, I explained to my son that letdowns are part of life and it is important to acknowledge that and process the emotion rather than resisting it. I explained that just because I was crying, didn’t mean that something had gone wrong. I explained that sometimes it takes a bit to work through something and accept it, and that is a normal part of our life experiences.
Tip: Share stories of your own challenges and how you overcame them. Let your kids see that even adults struggle but can still find a way through.
3. Focus on Effort, Not Perfection
Many children struggle with the pressure to be perfect, which can erode their resilience. Research by Carol Dweck demonstrates that children who are praised for their effort, rather than their innate ability, are more likely to develop a “growth mindset,” leading them to persist through challenges and view failures as learning opportunities (Dweck, 2006).
Encouraging effort rather than perfection helps children understand that failure is part of the learning process and builds their ability to bounce back from setbacks.
Tip: Use phrases like, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that,” or “It’s great to see you trying different ways to solve that problem.” Once they grasp a concept, celebrate their persistence rather than just the correct answer. You can say something like, “I’m proud of how you stuck with it, even when it was tough!” This reinforces the idea that the effort and learning process matter more than instant success.
4. Create a Safe Space for Failure
Failure is a natural part of life, yet it can be terrifying for children. In your homeschool environment, create a safe space where failure is seen as an opportunity to learn. Help your children understand that it’s okay to make mistakes and that these moments are crucial to their growth. When they learn that failure doesn’t define them, they’ll feel more confident taking risks and trying new things.
Here is a practical example. Explain that struggling with a concept doesn’t mean they’re not good at math—it’s a natural part of learning. Share an example from your own experience when you struggled but eventually succeeded. This helps them see that everyone encounters obstacles and that failure is often the precursor to mastering a skill.
Tip: After a setback, ask your child, “What can we learn from this?” This helps them view failure as a stepping stone rather than an endpoint.
5. Develop Problem-Solving Skills
Resilience is not only about bouncing back from hardship but also about having the tools to solve problems when they arise. Teaching children problem-solving techniques enhances their capacity to deal with adversity, as demonstrated by research from the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry (Masten, 2001). Children who develop these skills are more likely to manage stress and recover from difficulties with greater ease.
By engaging in problem-solving together, you’re teaching them how to handle difficulties on their own while showing them they have the strength to face whatever comes their way.
Tip: When your child encounters a problem, try saying, “Let’s brainstorm some ideas together.” This reinforces their ability to think critically and solve problems, while also showing them they don’t have to navigate challenges alone.
6. Foster Independence and Responsibility
Encouraging independence is a powerful way to build emotional resilience. As they navigate these experiences, they will develop confidence and trust in their own abilities—qualities that will serve them well in adulthood.
I still remember a time when my husband asked my oldest son to gather up the dog poop from the yard. He was quite young and once he had gathered it all in a container, it dumped all over the steps, and my son started bawling. Rather than coming to the rescue of my son, my husband acknowledged how frustrating this was and also shared his confidence in my son to be able to gather it back up. Once my son calmed down, he eventually got to work and gathered up all the poop again. He was so proud of himself! When our children push through hard things and realize their capacity, it builds their self-confidence when they face future struggles.
Tip: Start with small tasks and gradually increase their level of responsibility, ensuring they feel both supported and empowered.
Conclusion: Raising Resilient Adults
As homeschooling moms, we often feel the weight of preparing our children for the real world. But remember, resilience isn’t about creating a smooth path—it’s about teaching them to navigate the bumps along the way. By encouraging challenges, modeling emotional resilience, and fostering independence, we can help our children develop the strength and confidence they’ll need to thrive as adults.
Remember, it’s not about perfection, but progress. And as you work together with your children, you’ll be building not only their resilience but your own as well.
Sources:
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
Eisenberg, N., Fabes, R. A., & Murphy, B. C. (2001). Parenting reactions to children’s negative emotions: Relations to children’s social competence and comforting behavior. Child Development, 62(2), 222-237.
Masten, A. S. (2001). Ordinary magic: Resilience processes in development. American Psychologist, 56(3), 227.
Nelson, Russell M. Joy and Spiritual Survival. General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, October 2016
Uchtdorf, Dieter F. Your Happily Ever After. General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, April 2010
Zimmerman, M. A., & Arunkumar, R. (1994). Resiliency research: Implications for schools and policy. Social Policy Report, 8(4), 1-17.
