Are You in the GAP or the GAIN?
Do you often feel like you are “running behind” in your efforts to homeschool your children? That what you are doing is not enough? Do you tend to compare yourself to other homeschool mamas and compare your weaknesses to their strengths? Do you find yourself chasing an ideal standard that seems out of reach? Do you compare your children’s struggles with others’ “perfect” children? You might be operating from a GAP mentality if you answered “yes” to these questions. Learning about the difference between looking through a GAP mentality versus a GAIN mentality has made all the difference in my happiness and fulfillment. I invite you to discover the difference and apply these principles to your homeschool.
Understanding the GAP Mentality
When you’re in the GAP, everything is viewed through a lens of inadequacy. You measure yourself and your homeschooling efforts against an ideal, which can lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment. This ideal could be a perfect image of what you think homeschooling should look like, a comparison to other homeschooling families, or an expectation that’s difficult to meet.
High achievers (which tend to be in high numbers among homeschoolers) are particularly prone to this mindset. They often set high expectations and measure success by external standards, leading to a perpetual state of dissatisfaction. This endless race to meet an unreachable goal is known as hedonic adaptation—quickly adapting to new situations and constantly seeking more, without ever feeling truly satisfied.
Shifting to the GAIN Mentality
Conversely, the GAIN mentality involves measuring yourself against your past self, not against an ideal. It’s about recognizing and appreciating the progress you’ve made. This mindset helps you become psychologically bulletproof, turning every experience into a learning opportunity.
How to Think in Terms of GAIN
- Reflect on Progress: Regularly take time to look back at where you started and recognize how far you’ve come. Celebrate small victories and improvements in your homeschool journey.
- Set Personal Goals: Create success measurements based on your own values and aspirations, rather than comparing yourself to others.
- Embrace Learning from Failures: View setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. This approach helps you convert negative experiences into valuable lessons.
Let’s look at a couple of examples. In a GAP mentality, you feel disheartened because your child isn’t reading at the level of their peers. You constantly worry they’re falling behind. Alternatively, looking through a GAIN lens, you recognize that your child has improved since last year. You celebrate their progress and work together on strategies to continue their growth. You look at them as individuals on their own personal educational path and not only celebrate their growth in reading but also see their gifts in other areas. You can even foresee how this could be beneficial for them and envision how learning the skill of pressing forward when things are not easy will bless their life greatly.
Here is another example. You feel inadequate because your children aren’t interested in many of the activities their homeschool friends are involved in. You worry they’re missing out and want them to have more social interaction. On the other hand, if you are looking at the potential GAINS, you focus on the quality of activities your children are involved in and how much they enjoy them. You prioritize meaningful experiences over quantity. You watch for how they are growing and how these particular activities are just what your child needs.
Embracing the GAIN Mentality in Homeschooling
Living in the GAIN means being grateful for every experience and seeing life as happening for you, not to you. It’s about having positive emotions as the starting point for learning and growth. Here are some ways to integrate this mindset into your homeschooling. First, focus on the present. Appreciate what you have and where you are right now. Second, detach from external validation. Understand that needing anything outside of yourself to be happy puts you in the GAP. Third, pursue homeschooling goals with purpose and thoughtfulness, rather than being driven by a need to meet external standards.
By embracing the GAIN mentality, you free yourself from the pressure of unrealistic expectations and create a homeschooling experience that is joyful, fulfilling, and uniquely yours. Reflect on the areas of your homeschool where you might be operating from the GAP and take steps to shift towards a GAIN mindset. Your journey will be richer, more rewarding, and a source of continuous growth and satisfaction.
Source: The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy
