Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, said, “The “truths” we cling to shape the quality of our societies as well as our individual characters. All too often these “truths” are based on incomplete and inaccurate evidence…” It behooves us to examine our beliefs and discern if they are true and whether or not they are serving us.
Beliefs and emotions often are underneath the surface and operate without us being aware. Our beliefs lead to actions, and if we are not aware of what our beliefs are, they can lead us to undesired results. Many of our core beliefs are unconscious and distorted and lead to undesirable results. I believe we adopt many of our beliefs automatically without thinking. They come from the environment in which we grow up. Consider primary beliefs you may have learned as a child that are still part of you and are not serving you. Here are some possible examples.
- If I do what is right, I will be blessed.
- I have to earn the right to take time for myself.
- If I consistently and faithfully teach my children the gospel, they will hold fast to it.
- I must never be a burden or allow myself to be needy. I can’t let anyone down.
- Keep personal things to yourself. Don’t air your dirty laundry.
- The “right” way to be a good mother is to stay home with my children and not work and devote everything I have to their care and well-being.
- It is my job to make the people around me happy.
- I take my commitments seriously. I do what I say I’ll do, and do it well. You can count on me.
- If I have any energy at all, I must continually give and serve.
- The only way I can take time to relax is if I am physically sick.
- What other people think of me matters more than what I think of me.
- My commitments to others matter more than my commitments to myself.
- Following my desires is selfish.
- Working incessantly and being busy proves I am a good person. Taking time to play shows I am thinking of myself, selfish, and not considering others.
Our beliefs have the power to lead us to more freedom or to lead us to misery. How can a belief in something not true be harmful to us? Let’s look at two examples found in the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ. At this point in the story, the family of Lehi chooses to leave their home in Jerusalem because Lehi has a vision the city will be destroyed. They have been in the wilderness heading to a promised land for some time now. The son of Lehi whose name is Nephi reacts in this way, “And so great were the ablessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon braw cmeat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings. And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and astrengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did bprovide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness. (1 Nephi 17:2-3, Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ) Nephi sees the blessings. Throughout the story, we see that Nephi trusts his earthly father as well as his Heavenly Father. He has the belief he and his family WILL make it to the promised land, and they will be supported along the way. He believes he can get answers from God and goes directly to him to see the vision his father saw. He goes to him every time a problem arises because of this belief in a God who hears and answers prayers. He receives support, guidance, and strength in knowing how to build a ship, where to slay food for his family, and understanding of why they are leaving Jerusalem.
In this same chapter, Laman (Nephi’s older brother) has a nearly opposite experience. He says to Nephi, “And thou art like unto our father, led away by the foolish imaginations of his heart; yea, he hath led us out of the land of Jerusalem, and we have wandered in the wilderness for these many years; and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness and suffered all things, save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem than to have suffered these afflictions. Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy. (1 Nephi 17: 20-21) Laman claims earlier that God doesn’t make anything known to him. He doesn’t believe God will talk to him. He believes his father is delusional and Nephi is seeking for power. Because of his beliefs, he is miserable. He actually believes it would be better to be dead than to have this experience in the wilderness. He is filled with hatred and seeks to hurt and even kill his brother.
Nephi believes as he puts his trust in God that answers will come. He believes they will reach the promised land and see the blessings of following God’s will. He is willing to use his agency to act in faith to do what is needed to get them there. He doesn’t expect the journey will be easy but knows they WILL arrive. Laman thinks he knows best. This pride creates misery for himself and the rest of his family. He assumes life would have been better in Jerusalem. He continually focuses on the problem and what is wrong. He seems to think that if God commanded them to leave Jerusalem it should be easy and the way prepared for him to conveniently arrive. He is a victim in this story, and it is his father’s and his brother’s fault that he is so miserable. He has given away his agency. He is not aligned with the truth. From this example, we see that at least one of the possible results of not aligning ourselves with the truth or reality is misery. (*See Follow Him Podcast Shownotes January 29-February 4, 2024 Part 1)
It is important to uncover these often unconscious beliefs, so we can choose to act from a place of empowerment and not be miserable as Laman was in this journey. Let’s examine how one of the “thinking errors” or untrue beliefs listed at the top could potentially affect my family and homeschooling efforts. The belief, “I care more about what others think of me than what I think of myself,” may lead me to try to create a perception for others about the education of my children–something I have no control over. I am setting myself up for failure as I give my power over to what others think. My driving goal may be to prove to the neighbors that my children are keeping up with their public school kids. I try to force my children to learn the same things they are requiring in public school whether or not it fits my child’s personal development or what I feel inspired to do. I come from a place of lack and scarcity and nothing I ever do is ever enough because I have no way of even knowing what others think of me. I continue to try to prove I’m doing enough without ever being able to “arrive.” I feel stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, and yes, miserable all the time.
What if I change my beliefs and choose to care more about what I think and what God thinks? What are the results of this belief? I homeschool from a place of peace and confidence. I am capable of seeing what my children need, taking time each day to methodically make progress, and doing what is best for each child’s abilities and personality. I celebrate the progress of my children. I choose my own measurement of success and this does not include comparing my children to others. I see each of my children with personal divine missions that are unique from others. I feel the freedom to explore my children’s interests and share my own. I enjoy my learning time with my children and see there is not one “right” way to learn. I feel at liberty to focus our homeschool on teaching my children the important truths of the gospel.
Primary beliefs end up being the lens through which we view the world, and it can be unsettling to question them and change them. Our capacity to change our beliefs impacts our agency and ability to choose as well as the quality of the life we have to live. To regain our agency, it is vital that we first become self-aware and uncover the beliefs that are driving us. I have found value in questioning my assumptions and beliefs, being willing to be wrong, and being willing to be taught and learn the Truth.
Sometimes it can be difficult to separate our beliefs from our identity, and when our beliefs are being questioned or challenged, it can unintentionally feel like a threat to who we are. If we disconnect belief from identity, it is much more likely we’ll have success in changing the beliefs that are not serving us. This detachment allows us to be humble, teachable, and open to what is true rather than feeling uprooted by a change in beliefs.
Take time to list out some of the beliefs that may be driving your everyday actions in your homeschool. Question them, evaluate them, and decide if they are serving you. Don’t be afraid to change your beliefs and seek to change them in a way that serves you and your family. As you do so, you will find more abundance, peace, and hope.
-Thoughts inspired by the book The Power of Agency by Paul Napper and Anthony Rao)
-Other sources cited: “What is Truth?” Dieter F. Uchtdorf, January 13, 2013 CES Broadcast
-Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ
-The idea to juxtapose the two scriptures above was taken from Follow Him Podcast Shownotes January 29-February 4, 2024 Part 1
