Sometimes homeschooling can feel like a tug-of-war. You’re on one side, holding a vision for deep, meaningful Christ-centered homeschooling. Your child is on the other side, pulling for freedom, fun, and “just getting it done.” You tighten the rope with more rules. They pull harder with more resistance or “bare minimum” effort. Everyone ends the day tired and discouraged.
Stephen Covey’s principle of synergy offers a completely different way to see that rope.
Synergy is more than teamwork or everyone “being nice.” It’s the idea that when two people really listen to each other and genuinely seek a solution that blesses both, something new can emerge—something better than what either person started with. Covey describes synergy as “the whole being greater than the sum of its parts.” Instead of my way vs. your way, synergy looks for a third way: a creative solution that draws on both of your strengths, perspectives, and desires.
Underneath synergy are a few core ideas:
- First, Think Win–Win: you are no longer trying to win an argument; you’re committed to an outcome that truly serves both you and your child.
- Second, Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: you listen long enough—and humbly enough—that your child feels seen and you actually let their perspective inform yours.
- Third, you honor differences as assets instead of threats. Your child’s personality, interests, and even their complaints become raw material for a better plan, not obstacles to be crushed.
In a homeschool setting, this means you stop seeing yourself as the only architect and your child as the reluctant construction worker. Instead, you see yourselves as co-designers. You still carry your sacred stewardship as the parent, especially as a Latter-day Saint mother striving for Christ-centered homeschooling. You hold the long-term vision, the values, the responsibility before God. Your child brings their lived experience: how the work actually feels, what lights them up, what shuts them down, where they crave more autonomy. Synergy happens when those two roles meet with respect and curiosity, and you invite the Spirit of Jesus Christ to guide the discussion.
One Example: The Checklist-Only Teen
Imagine your 16-year-old. They tear through their assignments at lightning speed, doing the absolute minimum. Math problems are half-thought-out, readings are skimmed, writing is shallow. As soon as they can say, “I’m done,” they’re out the door or on their phone. Technically, school is “finished,” but you know deep down they’re not really learning. You worry you’re raising someone who’s excellent at gaming the system, but not at owning their education—or their life.
The non-synergistic responses are easy to fall into:
- Crack down: more rules, more hovering, more lectures about responsibility.
- Give up: “At least they’re doing something; maybe they’ll care later.”
Synergy asks you to slow down and try a different approach.
You might start by saying something like, “I’d love to talk about school with you—not to lecture, but to truly understand what it’s like for you and see if we can design something that works better for both of us.” That one sentence sets a new tone: you’re not gearing up for battle; you’re inviting partnership.
Then you listen. You ask curious questions and really hear the answers: “What’s your main goal when you’re doing school right now?” “What feels pointless?” “What makes you rush?” You might learn that your teen feels like school is just a set of hoops to jump through, that they’re overwhelmed and so they avoid going deep, or that they crave freedom and see school as the enemy of everything fun and meaningful. Instead of arguing with that, you reflect it back: “It sounds like a lot of this just feels like busywork to you, and you’re trying to get through it so you can get to the parts of life that feel real. That makes sense.”
Once they feel understood, you share your heart. Not a sermon—but your genuine concern:
“From my side, I see you getting really good at doing just enough to get by. Short-term, that gives you more free time. Long-term, I’m worried it trains you to coast instead of becoming confident and capable. I’m not as concerned about perfect grades as I am about who you’re becoming. I want you to leave our homeschool ready for whatever the Lord asks you to do, with a strong mind and a strong character.”
Now you look for common ground. You ask, “If we fast-forward a few years, what do you want to be true about you? Do you want to feel confident and prepared, or always faking it and trying not to get caught?” Most teens will admit they want real confidence and real freedom, not just temporary escapes. You can say, “Okay. So we both want you to have freedom, confidence, and less stress. We just see different ways of getting there.”
This is the doorway to synergy. Instead of, “Here’s the new rule,” you invite a third way:
“Right now your way is: rush through and get done. My way is: slow down and go deeper. If it didn’t have to be just your way or my way, what else could we design?”
Together, you devise a new plan. You still uphold your role as a parent, and your teen still experiences freedom, choice, and a sense that their interests matter. You move from checking boxes to building a mind. That’s synergy applied to homeschool: a solution neither of you could have created alone, which honors your values and their agency at the same time.
Bringing It Home: A Call to Action
This week, choose one recurring friction point in your homeschool—maybe it’s a checklist-only teen, a constant fight over start times, or a subject that always ends in tears. Instead of tightening the screws or silently stewing, invite a synergistic conversation:
“We’re on the same team. I don’t want this to be me vs. you. We both want your life and learning to really work. If it didn’t have to be my way or your way, what else could we design together?”
Listen first. Share your heart and non-negotiables with calm honesty. Then create one small experiment together—a Deep Dive Day, a new way to show understanding, or a small tweak to timing or structure. Try it for a week or two, then come back together and ask, “What worked? What didn’t? What should we adjust?”Synergy won’t make your homeschool perfect, but it will steadily transform the atmosphere. You’ll move from tug-of-war to team. You’ll see your child not as a problem to fix, but as a partner to build with. And as you keep practicing, you’ll quietly shape a Christ-centered homeschooling culture where your children don’t just learn to “get by,” but learn how to truly think, choose, and grow—together with you.