Choose your response, shape your homeschool.
“Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will…” — Doctrine & Covenants 58:27
What “proactive” really means.
For the next few weeks, I will be focusing on the habits from Stephen Covey. We will start with “Be Proactive.” As Viktor Frankl (popularized by Stephen R. Covey) put it, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Being proactive isn’t about perfection or doing more; it’s about using your God-given response-ability. You can’t always choose the circumstances of a homeschool day, but you can choose a value-based response instead of reacting on autopilot. There’s always a small gap between stimulus and response. In that space—your awareness, conscience, imagination, and will—you get to act intentionally. Your nervous system and brain are wired to respond in a certain way, so it will take practice of regulating your nervous system (which will increase that space) and intentionally choosing a different response before new brain patterns are created.
For homeschool moms, that single shift changes the tone of the home. Aim your energy where it actually matters: your Circle of Influence (what you can do next) rather than your Circle of Concern (what you care about but don’t control). A quick litmus test helps: if you can take a specific step in the next day or two, it’s within your influence; if not, either reframe it or release it.
Language that moves days forward.
Words are steering wheels. When you catch yourself thinking, “I have to,” try “I choose to”—it reminds your brain you are acting, not being acted upon. Replace “They made me” with “I felt X and chose Y,” which keeps your agency intact. “There’s nothing I can do” becomes “Here are three options.” “That’s not fair” turns into “What’s my next best step?” And “I can’t” gets a growth-minded upgrade: “I can’t yet, but I will.” These tiny shifts align beautifully with Christ-centered homeschooling, where intent and compassion guide the plan.
A five-minute daily rhythm.
Before the day starts, name one likely trigger—maybe a subject that often sparks resistance or a time of day that tends to unravel. Decide, in a single sentence, how you want to respond when it shows up. Identify one ten-minute action inside your influence that would make the day easier (laying out supplies, pre-reading a passage, prepping a snack). Give yourself a short cue you can say when emotions spike—“Pause. Breathe. Choose.” In the evening, spend a minute noticing what went well and what you’ll try differently tomorrow. Consistency beats intensity.
When the heat rises.
You don’t need a complicated plan—just a simple “if–then.” If you start to feel rushed, breathe for ten seconds and pick one high-leverage task to finish before starting another. If a conversation gets tense, ask, “Can you help me understand your main concern?” and listen all the way through. If plans derail, re-prioritize a single deliverable and communicate a new time. Kids can borrow this too: “If I feel frustrated, I’ll move my body for a minute and then try one more problem.”
Decide quickly, kindly, and well.
When you’re stuck, ask three questions: Is this within my influence today? What outcome matters most right now? What’s the smallest next step that honors our values? These questions pull you out of rumination and back into action.
Common snags—and kinder fixes.
Trying to control other people usually backfires. Shift to clear requests, reasonable boundaries, and your own follow-through. Overcommitting from enthusiasm creates hidden resentment; halve the promise and make it winnable. If you keep analyzing a problem (“why is this happening?”) but you don’t actually do anything, you’re just worrying. Do one small action for 10 minutes, then look at the result and adjust. Action gives you real information; thinking alone often just loops.
Here are 4 simple changes to practice being proactive:
- Pre-Choose Your Response (If–Then card).
Each morning, name one likely trigger and write a single If–Then:
If math resistance shows up → then I’ll connect for 2 minutes, offer two choices, and set a finish line. Keep it visible and use it once that day. - Influence-First Action (10 minutes).
Choose one way in which you can act on your Circle of Influence. - Proactive Language Only (daily swap). Pick one sentence you’ll swap all day:
“I have to…” → “I choose to…”
“They made me…” → “I felt ___ and chose ___.”
“There’s nothing I can do.” → “Here are three options.”
- At night, rewrite one reactive moment from today into tomorrow’s proactive script.
You won’t get this perfect—and you don’t need to. Proactive living is simply practicing agency on purpose, one tiny choice at a time. For homeschool moms, that practice turns ordinary days into steady, teachable moments and builds a home culture where everyone learns to act, not be acted upon.