One day your child will do hard things without you. That’s the goal.
Not perfect checklists. Not a spotless transcript. A person who can think, choose, persevere, and lead themselves when nobody is watching.
That’s why the most powerful thing you can become in your homeschool isn’t a professor—it’s a mentor.
If you’ve ever thought, “But I do need to teach sometimes…”—you’re right. This isn’t about never teaching. It’s about your default posture.
Because teaching can transfer information. Mentoring forms identity.
Why mentoring matters so much
Mentoring builds a child who can:
- start without being pushed
- think instead of waiting to be told
- stay with hard things
- carry responsibility
- finish what they start
That’s what we actually want—especially when we picture our kids as adults. One day you won’t be next to them managing the checklist. So we’re not just building a transcript… we’re building a person.
Why homeschool feels heavy
When we slip into professor-mode, mom becomes the engine: the motivation, reminders, pressure, and plan. And that’s exhausting.
Mentor-mode is lighter because it helps your child learn to own their learning—with you guiding instead of carrying.
What TJEd means by “Mentors, Not Professors”
In Thomas Jefferson Education, “professor-mode” is a posture where the adult is the expert who tells, controls, and often uses external pressure to enforce compliance.
Mentoring is different. A mentor studies the child (strengths, interests, needs), helps them make a plan, expects follow-through, and coaches growth.
Professor: “Here’s what we’re covering.”
Mentor: “Where are you trying to go, and what do you need next?”
And TJEd is clear: this key does not mean “never teach.” You can teach and still be a mentor—the difference is whether your teaching creates dependence or develops ownership.
The two ditches: professor-mode and pal-mode
Most of us recognize professor-mode. But there’s another ditch: pal-mode—when we avoid conflict and let accountability fade.
Mentoring is the middle path:
- warmth and structure
- compassion and standards
- agency and follow-through
“But I DO need to teach sometimes” — yes.
Direct teaching can be a tool, not your identity.
Before you step in, ask:
- Is this for my child’s growth—or my need for control?
- Will this increase their ownership—or replace it?
- Am I requiring “my way”—or mentoring judgment and skill?
How Christ models mentoring
If you’re pursuing Christ-centered homeschooling, this is powerful: Christ didn’t just teach facts—He formed disciples.
Here are a few mentoring patterns we see in the Savior:
- Relationship first (people grow when they feel seen and safe)
- Invitation and agency (“come, follow me”)
- Questions that awaken thinking (instead of over-explaining)
- Individualized guidance (not one-size-fits-all)
- Loving correction (truth without shame)
- Line upon line growth (pacing to capacity)
- Real responsibility + reflection (send them, then help them learn from it)
That’s mentoring: guiding growth while staying close.
Does this apply only to older youth?
This applies in every phase outlined in TJEd, but it becomes especially obvious with older youth.
- Core (approximately 0-8 years old): connection, habits, modeling
- Love of Learning (approximately 8-12 year olds): curiosity + skills + increasing ownership
- Scholar (12+): coaching planning, discussion, writing, revision, responsibility
In Scholar phase, your role shifts from “manager” to “coach.”
A simple place to start
Try a weekly 10–20 minute mentoring check-in with each child:
- What went well?
- What are you curious about?
- What’s the plan for next week?
- What support do you need from me?
- What would “excellent” look like?
Takeaway
You don’t have to choose between micromanaging and chaos.
You can teach sometimes without becoming “the professor,” and you can keep warmth without becoming “the pal.”
Mentoring is the middle path—and it’s the path Christ models: relationship, agency, questions, growth, and presence.