Every homeschool mom faces it. Your child reacts by dragging their feet, complaining, or outright refusal.
When this happens, it’s easy to feel like something is wrong—with your child, your plan, or maybe even with you. But here’s the truth: resistance is normal. It doesn’t mean homeschooling isn’t working. In fact, it’s often a powerful opportunity for growth—for your child and for you.
Why Resistance Shows Up
Our brains are wired to avoid discomfort. Brooke Castillo calls this the motivational triad:
- Seek pleasure
- Avoid pain
- Conserve energy
When a lesson feels hard, boring, or overwhelming, the brain naturally says, “No thanks.” That’s not rebellion—that’s biology. But as homeschool parents, we have the privilege of helping our children learn that true growth comes on the other side of that resistance.
The Power of Ownership
One of the best antidotes to resistance is ownership. When children feel some ownership over their education, pushback softens.
Ownership looks different at different stages:
- Young children: Ownership is small and joy-filled. They might choose which story to read, where to sit, or how to show what they’ve learned—by drawing, acting, or retelling. At this stage, they learn ownership by watching you love learning yourself.
- Teens: Ownership matures. Teens can set goals, manage time, and choose projects that connect with their passions. Your role shifts from teacher to mentor: ask questions, offer resources, and support.
When children own their learning, they move from “Mom makes me” to “This is mine.” And that shift keeps much resistance at bay.
Reframing Resistance
Instead of seeing resistance as rebellion, start viewing it as communication. A child who resists might be saying:
- “This feels too big.”
- “I need to move.”
- “I want to feel like I have a choice.”
When we meet resistance with curiosity rather than control, it can actually become a doorway to connection. Just as God honors our agency, we can honor our children’s—while still guiding them with love.
Practical Tools for the Moment
When resistance shows up, try these simple strategies:
- Connection before correction – Pause for a hug, a laugh, or a snack before diving back in.
- Offer choice within limits – “Do you want to read on the couch or at the table?”
- Break tasks into small wins – Tackle three problems instead of twenty.
- Use curiosity, not lectures – Ask, “What feels hard about this right now?”
- Adjust expectations – Sometimes the curriculum—or our demands—need a tweak.
Watch Your Own Resistance
Here’s the hidden trap: when kids resist, we often resist their resistance.
That’s where Brooke Castillo’s CTFAR model helps.
- Circumstance: My child says, “I don’t want to write.”
- Thought: “They shouldn’t be resisting.”
- Feeling: Frustrated.
- Action: Argue, snap, or withdraw.
- Result: More resistance—for both of us.
But if we shift our thought to: “My child is learning how to do hard things. Resistance is part of the process,” we feel calmer. From that space, we can pause, breathe, and invite ownership. The result? Our homeschool feels lighter, and our children are more likely to lean in.
Turning Struggle Into Growth
Resistance isn’t a sign that homeschooling isn’t working—it’s a sign that learning is happening. Every moment of pushback is a chance for your child to build resilience and for you to grow in patience and compassion.
The real goal isn’t kids who never resist—it’s kids who learn to choose, to own, and to love their education. And that journey begins when we stop resisting their resistance and start seeing it as part of the growth process.
So the next time your child pushes back, take a deep breath. Remind yourself: “This is an opportunity. How can I invite ownership here?”
Because resistance, when met with love and vision, can become one of your greatest teachers.