Stop Seeing Your Kids as Projects

The Mindset Shift Every Homeschool Mom Needs

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “If my child would just cooperate, homeschooling would go so much smoother”? Maybe it was during a math meltdown, or when the sibling fights broke out again, or when your teenager resisted every assignment you suggested.

As a homeschool mom, I’ve been there. And without even realizing it, I slipped into seeing my kids as obstacles—things standing in the way of my plans.

The Arbinger Institute calls this living with an inward mindset. It’s when we see others as objects—vehicles to get us what we want, obstacles to our goals, or irrelevancies we don’t have to worry about. Ouch. As mothers, that’s not how we want to treat our kids!

But here’s the good news: there’s a different way. It’s called the outward mindset, and it aligns beautifully with the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s the shift from seeing others as objects to seeing them as souls of infinite worth. This perspective is at the heart of a truly Christ-centered homeschool.

The Trap of the Inward Mindset

When we’re stuck in the inward mindset, our homeschool days feel heavy.

• A child struggling with reading becomes an obstacle to your schedule.
  
• A child who excels makes you feel good, so you treat them as a vehicle for your self-worth.
  
• The quiet child who doesn’t cause trouble fades into the background, almost irrelevant.
  

In these moments, we’re not seeing people—we’re seeing projects.

And once we betray that little nudge to connect—to comfort, to slow down, to see them—we start to justify. “They’re just lazy.” “They need to toughen up.” This self-betrayal puts us “in the box,” where we magnify their faults and minimize our own.

It’s exhausting, and it breeds frustration and disconnection.

A Gospel Lens: Seeing as Christ Sees

The Savior is our perfect example of the outward mindset. He always saw people as people.

• He saw the woman at the well not as her reputation, but as a heart longing for living water.
  
• He welcomed the children whom others dismissed as unimportant.
  
• He honored every person’s agency, never forcing, only inviting.
  

Doctrine & Covenants 18:10 reminds us: “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” That includes your strong-willed 7-year-old, your distracted teenager, your tender-hearted middle child. And it includes you, mama.

For those of us who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this principle is powerful. LDS moms know that every child is a son or daughter of God with a divine mission. When we remember this in our homeschool, we create what I like to call a truly joyful homeschool—a place where Christ is at the center, and relationships matter more than rigid checklists.

What This Looks Like in Homeschool

• Math Meltdowns
  
  • Inward mindset: “You’re wasting my time.”
    
  • Outward mindset: “You’re overwhelmed. Let’s take this one step at a time.”
    
• Sibling Fights
  
  • Inward mindset: “You’re driving me crazy.”
    
  • Outward mindset: “Here’s a chance to practice patience and love.”
    
• Teen Resistance
  
  • Inward mindset: “You’re defiant.”
    
  • Outward mindset: “You’re craving autonomy. How can we honor that while still learning?”
    

This doesn’t mean we let go of standards. It means we lead with connection. God Himself honors agency. He never forces. He works by love, persuasion, and patience. That is the model of Christ-centered homeschooling.

How to Practice Shifting Your Mindset

1. Catch the inward moment. Notice when you feel frustration building.
   
2. Pause and reframe. Ask, “What unseen burden might my child be carrying?”
   
3. Pray for Christ’s eyes. Invite the Spirit to help you see your child as He does.
   
4. Reflect at night. Write down one way you truly saw your child as a person that day.
   

These small and simple practices—just like Alma 37:6 teaches—will bring about great things in your homeschool culture.

Why This Matters for LDS Homeschool Moms

As Latter-day Saints, we believe that motherhood is eternal work. Homeschooling isn’t just about academics; it’s discipleship in action. When you stop seeing your kids as projects and start seeing them as people, you embody the kind of love and patience that the Savior modeled.

If you’ve been feeling homeschool overwhelm, remember—you don’t have to do this alone. This is where homeschool help and homeschool mentoring can make a huge difference. As a homeschool coach—and as a mama who has walked this road—I love supporting other homeschool moms as they find more peace, confidence, and joy in their homes.

A Final Word of Encouragement

You don’t have to do this perfectly. None of us do. That’s why we have Jesus Christ. Each day is a fresh start, a new chance to see your children the way He does.

When you choose to build a joyful homeschool, when you invite Christ into your teaching, when you seek homeschool help and encouragement—you are becoming the kind of mom who not only educates but disciples her children.

So take heart, homeschool mama. You’re doing sacred work. And the more you see your children as people with eternal worth, the more peace and joy you will find in your homeschool journey.

Reflection Question:
Where in your homeschool do you most often slip into seeing your kids as obstacles, and how could you shift to seeing them as people this week?