We’ve all heard the phrase, “You have to love yourself.” But if you’re anything like me, your first reaction might have been: That sounds selfish. Shouldn’t we be thinking more about others than ourselves?
Over time—through scripture study, prophetic counsel, and powerful mindset tools—I’ve discovered something life-changing: loving yourself isn’t selfish—it’s a necessity. In fact, it’s essential if you want to love others well, whether you’re raising children, serving in your ward, or leading a joyful homeschool.
The Gospel Case for Loving Yourself
When Jesus gave us the second great commandment—
“Love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:39)
—He didn’t treat loving yourself as optional. He assumed it was already in place. The way you treat yourself becomes the standard for how you treat others.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught:
“The fourth key relationship is with ourselves. … May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better… Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential.” (Of Things That Matter Most, Oct 2010)
When you love yourself, you’re simply aligning your view of you with God’s view of you.
The Selfishness Myth
Many of us—especially Christian homeschooling moms—have been taught that loving yourself means becoming self-absorbed or prideful. But pride and self-love are not the same thing:
- Pride compares: “I’m better than you” or “I’m worse than you.”
- Self-love stewards the worth God has already given you, without comparison.
As coach Brooke Castillo says:
“The more you love yourself and really pay attention to your own desires and your own care, the more available, the more impact you can have, the more contribution you can make to other people.”
Modern research backs this up. A 2021 study found that self-compassion actually increases gratitude and service toward others.
Think about the oxygen mask analogy: you can’t help others breathe if you’ve passed out from lack of oxygen yourself.
What Self-Love Actually Looks Like
Self-love isn’t about constant bubble baths and spa days—though those can be lovely. It’s about showing up for yourself with the same fierce loyalty you’d show to someone you love deeply.
Brooke Castillo calls it “sturdy self-love”:
“…more of a really sturdy, ongoing, ‘I-am-your-person’ love.”
It means:
- Speaking kindly to yourself—even in failure.
- Caring for your body and mind as a stewardship.
- Validating your feelings without judgment.
- Refusing to abandon yourself when life gets hard.
Why It Matters
Your relationship with yourself affects everything else:
- How you parent your children in your homeschool life.
- How you serve in your callings in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
- How you show up for friends, family, and your community of LDS homeschoolers.
The Church’s Emotional Resilience manual teaches:
“Develop self-compassion; accept and love yourself, including your imperfections.”
I’ve found that you cannot love others beyond the level you love yourself. As a homeschool mom, this truth is magnified—your children often reflect the energy and mindset you bring into the day.
How to Start Practicing Self-Love
Here are some simple, powerful ways to begin:
- Catch your inner critic
- If you wouldn’t say it to a dear friend or fellow homeschool mama, don’t say it to yourself.
- If you wouldn’t say it to a dear friend or fellow homeschool mama, don’t say it to yourself.
- Ask better questions
- “What would self-love do here?” or “How would I speak to myself if I truly had my own back?”
- “What would self-love do here?” or “How would I speak to myself if I truly had my own back?”
- Mirror talk
- Look in the mirror and say, “I will love you no matter what.”
- Look in the mirror and say, “I will love you no matter what.”
- Keep small promises to yourself
- Build trust with yourself just like you would in any relationship.
- Build trust with yourself just like you would in any relationship.
- Validate your feelings
- Loving yourself doesn’t mean avoiding pain—it means standing with yourself in the pain until it passes.
- Loving yourself doesn’t mean avoiding pain—it means standing with yourself in the pain until it passes.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
- Conditional self-love: “I’ll like myself when I lose the weight, get organized, or stop making mistakes.”
- Overindulgence disguised as care: True self-love considers what’s best for your future self too.
- Empty affirmations: Don’t tell yourself something you don’t believe. Find compassionate truths you can believe.
Final Thought
God already loves you with a perfect love. Joining Him in that love is not vanity—it’s discipleship.
This week, catch one unkind thought toward yourself and replace it with something truthful and compassionate.Whether you’re deep in the trenches of homeschool coaching, leading a joyful homeschool for your own kids, or simply trying to live in harmony with your values as a Latter-day Saint mom, remember this: when you love yourself in a gospel-centered way, you’ll have more love, more energy, and more joy to give to everyone else in your life.