Are we protecting our kids too much?
Many parents think shielding children from difficulty will help them thrive. But research shows the opposite.
Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff call this “safetyism” in their book The Coddling of the American Mind.
Safetyism teaches kids that discomfort is dangerous.
But real growth comes from learning to navigate challenges.
The Three Great Untruths
Haidt and Lukianoff say modern parenting teaches three false ideas:
- “What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker.”
Truth: Kids need struggle to build strength. Avoiding hardship makes them fragile. - “Always trust your feelings.”
Truth: Feelings matter, but they aren’t always right. Learning to challenge emotions builds resilience. - “Life is a battle between good and bad people.”
Truth: People and ideas are complex. Learning to disagree respectfully is key to growth.
The Problem With Safetyism
Kids today struggle with anxiety and depression more than ever.
Why?
Because we’ve removed normal childhood struggles.
- Less independence.
- Less risk-taking.
- Less problem-solving.
Without practice handling stress, kids don’t learn how to cope.
How to Build Resilience in Your Kids
Encourage Small Risks
Let them fail at something manageable.
Give them tasks that require problem-solving.
Let them experience natural consequences.
Teach Them to Challenge Thoughts
If they say, “I can’t do this,” ask, “What’s another way to look at it?”
Help them reframe negative thoughts.
Show them how to think logically instead of emotionally.
Let Them Struggle
Don’t rush to rescue.
Teach them to sit with frustration.
Encourage perseverance over quick fixes.
Give Real Responsibilities
Let them manage their schedule.
Teach them life skills like cooking and budgeting.
Trust them with meaningful tasks.
Limit Emotional Buffering
Encourage boredom (it builds creativity).
Reduce screen time as a coping mechanism.
Teach mindfulness and emotional regulation.
Struggle isn’t bad. It’s how kids grow strong.
Our job isn’t to remove challenges—it’s to prepare them to handle them.
Let’s raise kids who can face life with confidence.
*Which strategy will you try first? Let me know in the comments!
