Learning to Say No to Say Yes to What Matters Most

As homeschool moms, we wear many hats: teacher, caregiver, chauffeur, meal planner, and more. Our days are full of opportunities and demands, each vying for our attention and energy. In a world that often equates busyness with worth, it’s easy to feel we should say yes to everything. But when we try to do it all, we risk losing sight of what truly matters most.

Learning to say no isn’t just about setting boundaries; it’s about creating space for priorities that align with our values and bring peace to our homes. By focusing on what matters most, we can lead our families with intention and clarity. Here’s how to embrace the power of saying no so we can say yes to the things that truly count.

Why Saying No Feels Hard

1. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): It’s tempting to say yes to every opportunity because we fear our children might miss out on something important. Will skipping that extracurricular activity put them at a disadvantage? This mindset can drive us to overcommit.
2. People-Pleasing: Many of us say yes because we don’t want to disappoint others. Whether it’s a co-op leader, a church member, or even a close friend, we feel the pressure to keep everyone happy.
3. Misaligned Priorities: It’s easy to confuse what’s urgent with what’s truly important. Leadership expert Stephen Covey wisely said, “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” But when our calendars fill up with urgent tasks, the main thing can get lost.
4. Guilt: Saying no might make us feel like we’re letting someone down. But as Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminded us, “The things that matter most are not usually the things that scream for our attention.” Prioritizing the quiet, meaningful moments often requires saying no to the louder demands.

The Power of Saying No

1. Clarity of Purpose: Every no is an opportunity to say yes to something better. For example, skipping an outside activity might give you the time to focus on a child who needs extra help or to nurture relationships at home.
2. Peace and Energy: When we limit our commitments to those that align with our values, we free ourselves from the stress of overcommitment. This brings peace and allows us to pour our energy into the things that matter most.
3. Modeling Healthy Boundaries: By saying no to things that don’t serve our family’s priorities, we teach our children to do the same. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.”

How to Decide What Matters Most

1. Pray and Seek Personal Revelation: Begin by asking God for guidance. What does He want you to focus on in this season of life? Trust that He will provide clarity and peace as you align your choices with His will.
2. Define Your Family’s Core Values: Sit down as a family and identify your top priorities. Is it spiritual growth? Strong family relationships? Academic excellence? Use these values as a filter for your decisions.
3. Use a 3-Question Filter: When faced with a decision, ask:
   • Does this bring us closer to God?
   • Does this strengthen our family relationships?
   • Does this align with our long-term goals?

Overcoming the Hesitation to Say No

1. Practice Graceful Declines: Saying no without offending or disappointing others is possible. However, others’ reactions are outside our control, so be prepared to accept resistance or disappointment from others’ responses to your decline. Try saying, “Thank you for thinking of us, but we’re focusing on other priorities right now.”  
2. Reframe Rejection: Remember, every no is a yes to something better. Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught, “Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions.”
3. Address People-Pleasing: Reflect on your motivation. Are you saying yes out of love and alignment with your values, or out of fear of disappointing someone?

Practical Tips for Implementing Boundaries

1. Plan Weekly Reviews: Set aside time each week to review upcoming commitments. Ask yourself: Is this helping us focus on what matters most?
2. Keep Your Family Mission Statement Visible: Write down your family’s core values and mission, and place it where everyone can see it. Use it as a daily reminder of your priorities.
3. Celebrate the Power of Prioritization: When you say no to something, take a moment to acknowledge the blessings that come from focusing on what matters most.

Closing

Learning to say no is not about doing less—it’s about doing what matters most. It’s about trusting God’s plan and aligning our lives with His will. As we simplify and focus, we create space for peace, joy, and meaningful connection.

As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf so beautifully said, “Simplify your approach to life. Decide what matters most and let go of the rest.” Let’s embrace this wisdom and prioritize the things that bring us closer to God and to each other.

Take a moment this week to reflect on one area where you need to say no. Use these principles to make a thoughtful decision, and trust that God will magnify your efforts.

Together, we can create a homeschool environment that is not only productive but joyful and deeply meaningful. Let’s focus on what matters most!

Sources for Further Study:

-General Conference, April 2018, “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives” (Russell M. Nelson)

-The Holy Bible (King James Version), Matthew 6:33

-General Conference, October 2010, “Of Things That Matter Most” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

-The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

-General Conference, April 2011, “Desire” (Dallin H. Oaks)