There are times in our lives when despite our best efforts, things do not turn out the way we envisioned with our children and families. We put in consistent effort, but because we can’t control others’ agency, the effort doesn’t always equate to the hoped-for outcomes. Navigating these human experiences, laden with opposition, constitutes the essence of a meaningful life–a life that lends itself to profound beauty as it is touched by the hand of God.
Last Thursday night, I retired to bed with a heavy heart, I took a moment to journal my thoughts, the weight of which lingered after an evening spent with my closest girlfriends—exceptional companions with whom I engage in monthly discussions on gospel topics. These women, genuine and thoughtful, serve as pillars in my life, offering a sanctuary to discuss matters of faith in the absence of a spouse who departed from the Church years ago.
Despite the warmth of our meeting, a subtle sadness enveloped my heart. Unconsciously, I found myself comparing my family situation to theirs, grappling with a sense of loss and isolation in realizing that the spiritual teachings in our home rested solely on my shoulders. I found myself frustrated that I was facing this grief once again rather than it being resolved once and for all.
I woke up the next morning feeling burdened. It was the day I had scheduled to visit the temple. I look forward to this routine as it strengthens me in my covenants with Jesus and adds light and hope to my life. I felt like I especially needed this boon as I had missed being there for two weeks from being out of town. It was also the day I had scheduled to visit my mama in the care center in which she lives. A recent foot injury added physical strain. I could barely walk. During our regular morning devotional, my youngest son, perceptive to my struggle, offered to drive me to the temple and visit my mom in my stead. His empathetic support marked the beginning of miraculous moments, altering the flavor of my grief.
Dropped off at the temple door by my son, I walked in with teary eyes, finding immediate solace within the sacred walls. The tender emotions I was experiencing opened me up to feeling deep empathy for others. A woman with physical ailments extended kindness to me during the session, her gnarled hands and trembling form juxtaposed with smiles and encouragement. Her service, despite life’s challenges, spoke to my heart, fostering a connection that changed my perspective.
As I prepared to leave, a young Spanish-speaking woman reached out, touching my arm. With an accent, she conveyed, “I feel like I need to tell you the Lord is very pleased with your effort in serving Him here today.” Tears flowed—her words resonated, and I felt seen and understood. My son, on the drive home, uncharacteristically held my hand, embodying a selfless love that deepened our connection.
The pain I was carrying had humbled me. That morning turned out to be one of the sweetest I had for a long while. Had I not been in the physical and emotional pain I was in that morning, I would not have been in a place to appreciate and see the gifts that were around me. I felt an overwhelming and abiding love for my son. I could feel his selfless love for me. Had I not been a place of weakness, we would have missed that opportunity to connect. Had I not been in that vulnerable state, I would have missed the beauty of those ordinary yet magnificent people offering their service in the temple that day. I was able to appreciate the peace of God’s house in contrast to my warring heart.
This is the essence of a truly meaningful life. While sometimes I wish all pain and grief would depart, and I would finally have things figured out “once and for all,” I realized again that these human experiences filled with opposition are what are also most precious. My grieving heart was turned to deep gratitude for mortality and the gift of being able to personally experience it.
In life, despite our relentless efforts, outcomes with our children and families may not align with our envisioned ideals. Our consistent striving doesn’t always translate into the desired results due to the uncontrollable nature of others’ choices. The reality is, that there isn’t always a definitive “right” path, and we cannot dictate life’s outcomes. Living in an imperfect world means tolerating and grieving the inability to attain everything we desire.
The notion that making all the “right” choices guarantees a specific outcome is flawed. When we can accept the circumstances of life in all its complexity, choosing to move forward in love and focusing on Jesus Christ, He can help us to navigate the complex landscape of life finding beauty and true joy along the way.
